Personality quizzes are fun, but let’s be real: the most accurate one is sitting in your hand every morning. Your coffee order says more about you than your zodiac sign ever could. Don’t argue with me—it’s science.

1. Black Coffee

You are: The Purist.

You don’t mess around with sugar or milk. You probably also roll your eyes at flavored popcorn and think sparkling water is “cheating.” Black coffee drinkers thrive on efficiency, minimalism, and the sheer power trip of drinking something that tastes like burnt dirt and pretending to enjoy it.

2. Latte

You are: The Pinterest Board.

You like order, comfort, and vibes that match your neutral-toned aesthetic. Latte drinkers are planners. You’ll “romanticize” doing the most boring tasks—folding laundry, writing emails, even waiting in line at Target. There’s always a playlist involved.

3. Iced Vanilla Latte

You are: The Main Character.

It doesn’t matter if it’s January and your fingers are turning blue—you’re drinking this iced. This order is less about caffeine and more about identity. People who get iced vanilla lattes live for the aesthetic: cute cup, trendy straw, casual photo opportunity.

4. Cold Brew

You are: The Overachiever.

Cold brew people are high-functioning chaos. You like being busy, and you’re convinced you “work best under pressure,” even though you don’t. Cold brew is less of a drink and more of a lifestyle choice: strong, fast, maybe slightly unhinged.

5. Chai Latte

You are: The Wild Card.

Not technically coffee, but who’s keeping track? Chai drinkers are unpredictable. Sometimes you’re curled up with a blanket and a book, other times you’re starting spontaneous adventures at 11 p.m. You’re equal parts cozy and chaotic—and everyone loves you for it.

6. Cappuccino

You are: The Dramatic One.

Foam is your personality trait. You take small, careful sips like you’re starring in an Italian film, even if you’re actually sitting in a strip mall café. Cappuccino people love drama—not necessarily in their own lives, but they will absolutely narrate someone else’s.

7. Mocha

You are: The Mediator.

You don’t really want to commit to coffee, but you don’t want a milkshake either. Mocha people are all about compromise: sweet enough to be approachable, caffeinated enough to function. You’re the one telling your friends “it’s not that serious” while secretly overthinking everything.

8. Frappuccino

You are: The Denier.

You don’t drink coffee. You drink dessert. And that’s okay! Frappuccino people bring joy into every space. You are the comic relief of your friend group, the one who can make a boring afternoon hilarious. People pretend to judge your order, but they’ll still ask for a sip.

9. The Overcomplicated Custom Order

Think: iced, half-sweet, extra foam, two pumps this, light ice, shaken not stirred.

You are: The Mad Scientist.

You treat the menu as a suggestion, not a rule. Your order is a full paragraph long, but somehow it works for you. People admire your confidence while quietly dreading being stuck behind you in line. You’re bold, experimental, and slightly terrifying.

10. Decaf

You are: The Mystery.

Decaf people raise questions. Why are you here? Do you just like the taste? Are you secretly more wired than anyone else in the room? No one knows. You’re unpredictable in the best way—picking up random hobbies, joining trends before they’re trends, keeping people guessing.

The Results Are In

There it is: ten drinks, ten personalities, all backed by rigorous scientific evidence (aka vibes). The next time you grab your go-to coffee, remember—it’s not just caffeine. It’s a lifestyle diagnosis.